Potions, Pins, and Players
by books4evah
Summary: James asked out Alice, who said yes, but really likes Frank, who likes her. So, Frank is going out with Lily, who actually likes James, who liked her the whole time. Confused yet? JamesxLily and FrankxAlice


Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I'm back from my spring break! Hope you had a wonderful week! Just think, a whole WEEK without me damaging your mind somehow!

**Potions, Pins, and Players**

Petunia Evans, a top student of Cambridge University, was proud to say that her friends knew of her as a completely normal only child, thank you very much. She was the last person you'd think to have a sister, because she had a life that just didn't seem to mention a sibling of any sorts.

Petunia Evans was a smart girl, majoring in chemistry, so she could go on and create a revolutionary cleaner, both healthy for the human body, and one hundred percent fatal to bacteria. She was a smart girl, thin, and tall, with blond hair, and a face that strongly resembled a horse. Which was good news in her book, she read that John Travolta loved horses. And Petunia loved John Travolta.

Petunia Evans seemingly got everything she wanted; good grades, a promising future, the rare set of parents who aren't embarrassing, great friends, and the looks to get John Travolta to fall deeply, madly, in love with her. But, she also had a secret, and her greatest fear was that somebody would discover that secret.

Petunia Evans had a sister, Lily Evans. But, Petunia Evans didn't like to mention her sister. It brought up some bad memories. And one of those memories was an even darker, deeper secret.

Petunia Evans, despite the front she had kept up for all these years, did love her sister, albeit she was a bit jealous.

For, Lily Evans, was a witch. She came home every summer, turning teacups into rats, and pockets full of frogspawn. Of this opportunity that Lily Evans had, Petunia Evans was jealous.

But, it must be said, that Petunia Evans would never mention this.

Still it was, true, and shown in small, little, almost insignificant ways.

For instance, today, Petunia Evans was home for her winter break, and secretly regretting calling Lily Evans a freak, for then she would not be stuck alone in a house with nothing to do.

So, it was, of course, natural, for when the banging of a bird on the nearest window occurred, Petunia jumped out her seat right away, glad to do away with the doona she crocheting, especially since she did not have the faintest clue of what a doona was.

Petunia looked again. It wasn't just any bird in the window. It was an owl. She ran over and pulled off the letter. It was from Lily, as Petunia didn't know any other young witches or wizards, especially ones who consider the Evans family his or her family. Petunia eagerly ripped open the letter. Yes, technically, it was to her parents, but it said 'to the Evans', and, after all, Petunia was an Evans, wasn't she? And besides, it wasn't like sometime later that letter wouldn't be finding it's way to her father's desk.

_Dear mum and dad (and maybe Petty?),_

_Hope you're having happy holidays! I'm sorry I'm not coming home this year, but, as it IS my last year here, I wanted to spend a bit more time here before I must leave forever... Not really. There are two good reasons as to why I'm hear, though. First off, I'm Head Girl, and might have some responsibilities over the break. Also, my Potions teacher, Professor Slughorn, held a Christmas party, and invited me. Oh, and I must thank you for the dress you sent me, mum! You know, the emerald green one?(By the way, Alice said that I MUST tell you that you have an awesome taste in style, and Frank says that I was gorgeous, all the guys were staring at me, something like that…). Yeesss…. I know… you intended it for some date or other, but this was the perfect opportunity to wear it! And anyway, it sort of was a date…_

_Now, I suppose I must be getting on to explaining about this guy I fancy, before you send me the muggle equivalent to a Howler, and threaten to rip my brains out if I don't tell you… Sorry if I'm taking too long dad, you must be near deaf by now, with mum screaming in your ear and all. I know, I'm digressing… but, it is kind of awkward…. Remember James Potter? Yes, the one I said was an arrogant, conceited toerag, and added in a few obscenities, too…. Well…. He's been very different this year, the perfect gentleman, really… and I've fallen for him. We're actually going out, and he's completely brilliant! Sorry dad, I know your ears won't quite be the same again…_

_-Lily_

Petunia Evans couldn't breathe. Lily Evans was in love. With James Potter. The James Potter. That was certainly something new.

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"Who can tell me what this potion is?" Slughorn's cheerful inquiry echoed off the dreary stone walls of the dungeon.

He was pointing to a cauldron filled to the brim with a slow-bubbling mud like substance.

"Ah! Miss Evans!"

"It's Polyjuice Potion, sir."

"Of course Evans knows," Sirius Black snickered under his breath to his friends, the other marauders, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.

"Shut up!" James hissed, irritably.

"Five points to Gryffindor! And I don't suppose you could tell us the purpose of Polyjuice Potion, Miss Evans?"

"Polyjuice Potion can transform your body into the body of anyone else of your choice."

"Another five points to Gryffindor! A wonderful introduction to our next potion! For, we shall, in the next month, be brewing one of the most complicated potions known to man, the Polyjuice Potion, that Miss Evans has just kindly explained to us so well."

As Slughorn continued on, about the beauties and the dangers of Polyjuice Potion, Sirius turned back to the marauders, stifling a yawn.

"Wow. I really care about why I would ever want to put the lacewing wings in before the bicorn horn," Sirius said dully, to an audience that seemed just as dull.

"Hmm… that's nice, Padfoot."

"Prongs, you weren't listening to me, _again_? That's the third time this week! And this week has only been one day so far!"

"Right. Never flip off a PMSing bird."

"Oh… now you say that! I was talking about PMSing birds at breakfast!"

James said nothing, and continued glancing off at the corner.

"Prongs, seriously!"

"Hm? And I thought your last name was 'Black', not 'Lee'?"

Sirius groaned, and turned to Remus.

"Moooooon-eee! Help!"

"What now?"

"Prongs won't stop staring at Evans! And he won't listen to me!"

"Ever consider just listening to Slughorn?"

Sirius just scoffed at Remus.

"Fine," Remus gave up. "I don't want to help you, but I will say that if you say something of interest to him, he might listen."

"Like what?"

"Think."

"Er…. Uh… pie… he likes pie- no… that's not- Evans! Thanks Moony!"

Remus rolled his eyes, and turned back to his notes.

Sirius poked James in the back. James paid no heed to this. Sirius poked him in the back again. James ignored him, again. Sirius kept poking James in the back, until he thought of something to say.

"Hey! Prongs! I bet that if you knicked a little Polyjuice Potion, you could figure out a little more about Evans!"

"What?" James turned around, a curious look plastered on his face quite plainly.

"See, Prongs, if you get a hair or two from a friend of Lily's, you could talk to her and stuff, and learn more about Lily!" Sirius exclaimed enthusiastically, glad that he could come up with something to say.

Peter snickered. "I doubt that he'd learn anything new. _Stalker_-cough-cough."

"Thanks, Wormtail," James said, glaring at Peter.

"Well, it is true," Remus settled.

"I thought you were supposed to be on my side, Moony!" James whined.

"Well, I do think that Lily would be a good match for you, but Peter was right. There's a point where I just have to draw the line."

"Fine. I give up. But, just for that, I'm considering dropping Lily, and dating some hot, blonde, bimbo instead."

"Psh. Yeah right," Remus scoffed.

Sirius' face brightened. "Guys! I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea!"

"What now?" James asked irritably.

"Well, what if James dated some hot bimbo, just to get Lily jealous?"

"How would that work?"

"You know what they say, a woman scorned…"

"That'll only work if Lily actually likes James, though," Peter contradicted, thoughtfully.

"Well, it's worth a shot. It's a win-win situation, anyway!"

"And how do you work that one out?" Remus asked dryly.

"Well, say that Lily does like James, she'll get jealous and do something about it, and James will end up with her. Say she likes James, but doesn't know it, she'll get jealous, and realize her love for James, and voila! And, if she truly hates James, well, at least James' reputation will be boosted by the fact that he's dating this hot girl!"

"Shallow, much?" Peter muttered.

"It's perfect!" James exclaimed. "Why didn't I think of it before?"

"See? I'm brilliant, I am!"

"You forgot the lose part," Remus said quietly, but as soon as he said it, three sets of eyes were focused on him.

"What possible lose could there be?"

"If we have to get Lily jealous through some blonde bimbo, we're merely using her, and that's just cruel. Not matter how much of a slut she is, that's just not right."

"Ah… but that's the beauty of the plan, Moony. See, we knick some Polyjuice Potion from Slughorn, and have Wormtail play the part of the hot, blonde bimbo."

"You know, I never thought I'd say this to you, but, that is an extremely well-thought out idea, and it might just work."

"HAH! OH YEAH! THE MOONSTER LIKES MY IDEA!"

"Mr. Black! As joyful as you may be, I must ask you to stay quiet when I'm talking!"

"Sorry Professor Slughorn!"

"What about my loss? I don't want to be a hot, blonde bimbo!"

"Wormtail! There's no 'I' in team! How dare you!"

"Sorry, Pete," James whispered, as Sirius began to rant about how there is a 'me' in team, but that only refers to Sirius himself.

"You know…" Remus started, thoughtfully. "I bet that if we had Peter pretend to be someone that Lily really hates, it'd get Lily more riled up, more jealous."

Sirius clapped Remus on the back. "Way to go, Moony! Great thinking!"

"And," James continued. "I bet that no one would know better than Alice."

The four boys grinned at each other (well, minus Peter, who was still sulking over his unfortunate future. He didn't really want to kiss James).

"Perfect," Sirius smirked, voicing everyone's opinions.

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As the bell rang, Slughorn called out, "From each of you, I want a paragraph on a use of Polyjuice Potion, responsible or irresponsible!"

"I think I'll do using Polyjuice Potion to make the world's ugly people look pretty. That way they aren't an eyesore to the rest of us. That's responsible, right Moony?" Peter commented.

Remus just sighed.

James laughed. "Well, I'll write about how we can use Polyjuice Potion to foil the Slytherin's Quidditch team. In fact, I'll do it, as an example about how responsible it is! No one wants the Slytherins to win!"

Remus spared James a disapproving look, and James rolled his eyes, adding "Kidding!"

"Well, ol' chaps, I think I'll wait till later to do the homework. I'm going to get Alice. Meet you all in the common room!"

"No!" Peter exclaimed, quite loudly, causing many people to stare.

"What? You have a problem with me waiting to do my homework? I always thought it was Moony who cared about that…"

"No, it's just that, well, the common room is always crowded after the last period of the day. Couldn't we go somewhere else?"

"Like where, the kitchens?"

"Nah," James interrupted. "The house elves will tell anything if they're asked."

"Then, the room of requirement?"

Remus shook his head. "Davy Gudgeon is usually snogging girls down there after classes."

"Why not the library?" James suggested.

"No! No way! I haven't gone in there since second year! And surely you remember what happened!"

"Yes… you had a panic attack and ran around screaming that the books would take over the world, when it was really oysters or something along those lines, maybe it was cheese or llamas, that should be taking over the world."

"See? I shouldn't be going in there?"

James sighed. "Well we have nowhere else to go, so, if you don't want to help us interrogate Alice, don't go into the library."

"Fine…. Meanies."

"Get over it."

"Fine! I will!"

And Sirius dramatically stormed off down the hall, to where Lily and Alice were.

"C'mon, Lily. I need to ask Professor about question nine on that worksheet."

"Alright."

There was silence for a bit, until Lily, who had looked troubled for a bit, spoke up. "Alice?"

"Yes?"

"Alice, about Bunny, I think I"-

Sirius decided here would be a good place to break in. Who cared about some bunny or other?

"Hey, Mrs. Soon-to-be-Longbottom!"

"What?" Alice demanded, though a blush was creeping up her neck.

"I need to talk to you!"

"Right now? Can't it wait?"

"Never! How dare you say it can wait!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Sorry Lily. Your rant about you hate Bunny will have to wait."

Lily bit her lip. "But"-

Alice didn't get to hear Lily's concern, as Sirius took to dragging Alice down the corridor to the library.

"She hates bunnies? How dare she!" Sirius was muttering.

Alice thought about saying what was on her mind, but wisely kept her mouth shut.

In a matter of seconds, Alice and Sirius were seated in the far corner of the library, with the other marauders. Sirius was nervously bouncing up and down, like he really had to go to the bathroom.

"What is it that you so desperately needed to talk to me about?" Alice asked at once.

"Well… er… you see, uh- it's Lily," James finally blurted out, keeping his eyes down, and playing with his sleeve.

Alice groaned. "What, do you need more information on her? I thought you had the stalking part covered quiet nicely already."

James turned bright red. Sirius shook his head in embarrassment, and replied for James.

"We want to make Lily jealous. Completely I-want-to-tear-out-your-girlfriend's-guts jealous."

Alice grinned. "Oooohh. Sounds fun."

"And we want your help."

"Well, I always did figure that James was utterly perfect for Lily…"

"So, will you help us?"

"Totally."

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed, causing Remus to slap his arm, because Madam Pince was glaring in their direction.

"Ow… that hurt…"

"Anyway," Remus continued for Sirius. "We want to use Polyjuice Potion to turn Peter into some hot, blonde bimbo for James to 'date'."

"Oooohh… Kinky…"

"Do you have any ideas on who Lily really hates?"

Alice straightened up almost immediately. "Well, there's Emmeline Vance. Lily never liked how that girl threatens to take away her valedictorian-ship, or whatever."

"Nah… too academic," Sirius commented, and the other marauders nodded.

"Then there's James. She says he's a arrogant, conceited toerag."

"Shut up!"

"And, well, there's Marlene McKinnon. Lily says that Marlene disgusts her, you know, being the school slut and all."

"Wait!" Peter interrupted. "Wouldn't it be better if James dated Lily's best friend?"

They all stared at Peter, dumbfounded.

Sirius was the first to speak. "Best. Idea. Ever!"

Remus and James nodded. Alice looked a bit apprehensive.

"I don't want Peter walking around in my body. Especially not going to the bathroom in my body."

"It would be a bit weird for two Alice Prewitts to be walking around," Remus agreed.

"Then forget the potion, the _real_ Alice Prewitt should date James!" Sirius barked.

"And Alice can play a girl _much_ better than Wormtail," James sniggered.

"Thank you!" Peter cried out.

"But… I can't… I like- someone else…" Alice said quietly, fiddling with her locket, which contained the pictures of Lily, and more importantly, Frank.

"Longbottom, huh?" Sirius smirked.

Alice nodded, forlornly. "But don't tell him, I don't want it to ruin our friendship."

"No worries," Remus said softly, patting her arm.

"Alice, please. This will help me, and Lily," James begged.

"And, it might work on Frank too," Peter added. "He always seemed like the jealous type to me."

"He did?" Alice asked, holding back giggles.

"Yep. Should have seen him when Gudgeon asked out y- asked out his crush," Peter hastily amended.

"Alright. I'm in."

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"No, no, no!" Sirius shouted. "You have to bend down on you knee!"

James was beginning to get very fed up with the way Sirius wanted him to ask Alice out.

"And why would I do that? I'm not proposing!"

"Yes, and we don't live in the fifties, but you're still giving her the pin!"

"I thought we went over the pin already! I refuse to do something that cheesy!"

"But cheese is good!"

Remus interrupted. "Prongs, I think Sirius' way is smart. First off, we have to do it in public, so everyone, including Lily, knows that you two are going out."

"That still doesn't explain why I have to do all of this tacky stuff!"

"If everyone sees the tacky stuff, well, they'll be touched at how cute, no matter the cheesiness, and they'll all automatically fall in love with the couple that is you and Alice."

"And why again is that important?"

"Because, then they'll want you and Alice to stay together, and they'll be talking about you two a lot, and Lily will get annoyed."

"Don't forget Frank," Alice added. "And James, don't worry. They already love you, now they'll love you even more. I'm going through with this for Frank, think about it as just a sacrifice for Lily."

"They are right," Peter agreed, from his perch on the staircase.

"Fine. Now let's get this over with, please?"

Sirius took that as an agreement, and shouted, "Alright, people! Let's get the show on the road!"

Peter, Remus, and Sirius opened the doors to the crowded Great Hall, where the whole school was having their breakfast.

"So, Remus, do you think she'll agree?" Sirius asked loudly and over-dramatically.

"Why, yes, who wouldn't want the James Potter?" Remus replied, just as loud.

"It's just too exciting!" Peter squealed loudly.

By now, the school was focused on the three boys, and Sirius grinned, His plan was working.

"Over to the side now," he whispered to his mates.

As the three boys shuffled to the sides of the entrance, students and staff were able to see James, in front of Alice.

"Alice!" James exclaimed, so everyone could hear.

"Yes?" she replied, keeping up the volume.

James took her hands, and you could hear a sigh from the schools female population, as he said, "I have something to ask you."

"Ask away."

James knelt down onto one knee (countless girls shrieked. Mary McDonald was yelling "Not marriage! Not marriage! Anything but marriage!" while crossing her fingers). "Alice Prewitt, will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"

"Yes! Yes, James! I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you!" Alice cried dramatically.

James stood, and hugged her tightly (not that tightly, if you were up close). "Here, wear this pin, to show that you're dating me! It was the pin that my father gave to my mother!"

"Of course, James!" came Alice's forced answer. James took a gold pin from his pocket, with the letter P on it (for Potter, obviously), and pinned it on to the front of Alice's robe.

The pair hugged again, and there were sighs all around ("Awwww… that was so cute! I wish that Benjy would do something like that for me!"). It was official. James and Alice had become the 'it' couple.

The marauders sat down, and James and Alice joined them when their hug ended.

"Brilliant act," Peter said brightly.

"They completely ate it up," Sirius grinned. "And look at Lily."

Lily was looking at her plate of Shepard's Pie, and announced to Frank (loud enough that the marauders and Alice could hear), "I don't feel hungry anymore."

Then she got up, swung her bag around her shoulder, and headed out for Transfiguration.

Alice watched Frank, who didn't seem to notice Lily's departure. He was looking completely shocked, and seemed to be frozen, holding up his goblet of pumpkin juice.

"Phase one is complete," Sirius stated joyfully.

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"Alice stole my man!" Lily muttered furiously, as she made her way to Transfiguration. "No! No… Alice is my friend. She, just, didn't know, yes…. And, I bet that he's better off with her, anyway. Yeah, with me, we'd be arguing all the time. Would that be fun? No… and he's ugly, anyway. He's my archnemesis. That's right! Alice is better off with him!"

Lily was muttering to herself about this up until the bell, when she zipped her lips and listened to McGonagall.

"Alright. Now, since, _someone_," here McGonagall looked towards the marauders, "has filled the Charms classroom with shaving cream, I think it's about time, to , er, _sepreate_ some of the people in the classroom. So, I have a new seating chart."

Everyone groaned. Lily just hoped that she wouldn't be landed in the back.

"Alright, Potter, move over next to Miss Prewitt."

Lily had to refrain from cursing aloud. Of course, the happy couple got together. Trust McGonagall to do that. Lily had personally seen McGonagall tearing up over some trashy romance novel.

"And, Miss McKinnon, please be seated next to Miss Evans."

Shit. Lily had the worst luck.

"Er, Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Evans?"

"This isn't a very good seat for me."

McGonagall lowered her glasses on her noses, and looked Lily in the eye.

"I'm sure that the very front and middle seat should be suiting your tastes. Unless, of course, you are going to be getting 'headaches' from reading something too close, or whatnot."

The class snickered, and Lily lowered her hand slowly, and blush creeping up her face. Curse her redheaded-ness.

"I'm guessing you don't really like me, do you?" Marlene asked dryly.

"No!" Lily hurriedly answered, eyes widening in fear.

"Thanks for the effort, but it's quite clear that you don't like me. I'm not Candy Chang. She's the stupid one."

Lily felt her face heating up even more.

"It's because I'm such a slut, isn't it?" Marlene asked, sounding strangely remorseful.

"Well, it's more like"-

"Don't worry. Everyone calls me that. Just because I sleep around."

Lily looked down. Suddenly her shoelaces seemed quite interesting.

"I see it as more of an accomplishment, you see. You know Sirius Black, right?"

Lily nodded.

"Horrible in bed, he is."

Lily giggled, and Marlene smiled, too.

"Anyway, he sleeps around so much, it's like he has a new girl each night. And he's dubbed a player. I do the same thing, and I'm a slut."

Lily bit her lip. "Look, I'm sorry about the whole 'slut' thing. I just, I guess I never thought about it that way."

"No problem. It's not like you started that. Malfoy, that git, started it, and every just stuck with it. I like to think I'm actually a nice person."

Lily laughed. "I like the way you think."

Marlene gave a sad smile. "If only other people could understand like you do."

Lily smiled. "Don't worry. They're asses… sort of like I was, I suppose."

The pair grinned, and turned back to their notes.

Lily couldn't help it, though. It seemed that after every few sentences, she just had to glance up at James. There was just something about him…

The bell soon rang, and Lily marveled at how fast Transfiguration had just passed, as she made her way over to Frank, with Marlene in tow.

"We're eating lunch with McKinnon?" Frank asked sounding surprised. "I thought you hated her!"

"We had a little heart to heart," Marlene replied.

"Okay," Frank shrugged; he was quite the forgiving person, as according to Alice and Lily.

"So….?" Marlene asked Lily, smirking from ear to ear.

"What? Do I have something in my teeth?" Lily asked worriedly, her hand flying to her teeth.

"No!" Marlene exclaimed exasperatedly.

"Then what?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "You're blind, you know that?"

"I think she's referring to how you were staring at James every few seconds," Frank interpreted, grinning.

"Was not!" Lily cried, hitting Frank softly on the arm.

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

"Okay, never thought I'd be saying this to you two, but quite with the immaturity!"

Lily and Frank immediately shut up.

After a minute or so, though, Frank, grinning slyly, said, "So, Lily, didn't know you actually liked, as in _like-_liked, Bunny."

"Shut up!"

"Bunny?" Marlene asked, a puzzled look covering her face.

"Oh! Yeah…. We nicknamed our enemies… well, really, Lily and Alice did," Frank explained.

"Like what?"

"Well, Malfoy is Goldilocks, and you were Marilyn Monroe"-

"What?"

"I don't know her, some muggle person, but I think it was the whole MM thing…"

"And what's with 'Bunny'?"

"Oh," Lily said. "His last name is Potter, like Beatrix Potter, who wrote 'Peter Rabbit', and rabbits can be called bunnies! Don't ask…"

"And Snape," Frank continued, "was Fat Bastard."

Marlene broke down laughing. "That's hilarious!"

"They also named their crushes," Frank commented. "But they never trusted me enough to let me in on who their crushes actually were."

"That's because you live in the boys dormitories! We can't keep an eye on you there! For all we know, you could be telling all our crushes in there!" Lily exclaimed.

"Right… well, anyway, Lily didn't have a crush too recently, well, now there's Bunny… but, anyway, until she started dating James, I guess, Alice had a crush on Hot Dog. Unless James is Hot Dog… But he just doesn't seem like a Hot Dog to me…"

As Frank continued to rant about hot dogs, Marlene whispered to Lily, "Who's Hot Dog?"

Keeping a low voice, Lily whispered back, "Another word for hot dog is frankfurter. So… Frank."

Marlene's mouth formed a perfect 'o'. "That stinks for him. He likes her back, doesn't he?"

"Clearly," Lily sighed. "Except to Alice, apparently."

By the time the trio had gotten down to lunch, it seemed as if they had been friends with Marlene since first year, not Alice.

"Look, Lily," Marlene was saying, with Frank nodding along. "You like James, it's obvious. You just can't let Alice come in and steal your man."

"But, she was my friend! And I hadn't even told her I liked him yet!"

"If she was a real friend, she'd know you liked him."

Lily winced. Harsh. But, it was true, she supposed…

"But, I don't want James to know I like him! That'd just be humiliating! I mean, he's dating my_ best friend._ Er, well, technically, anyway."

Frank waved his hand, as if to say that fact was insignificant. "Lily, then don't mention you like him. Say that, he's the enemy, or something in public, and when you two are alone, which will happen sometime, admit you like her!"

Lily sighed. "Fine."

"And speak of the devil! Here she comes, Lily!" Marlene whispered urgently.

Lily pushed herself away from the table, and walked up to Alice, who was in the middle of sitting down next to James.

"Alice," she said coldly. As she glanced at the marauders, she was confused; for some reason, they were looking gleeful. "We need to talk."

Alice moaned, and stood up. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you can tell me here."

"Fine. Look"-

Lily looked back to Marlene and Frank, who were urging her on.

"Look, Alice, I hate to be rude, but you shouldn't be dating James."

The marauders now looked completely overjoyed, as if Christmas had come early.

"Oh, really?" Alice asked.

"Yes, really," Lily answered, her voice sounding even angrier.

"And- and why would th-that be?" Alice stuttered, glancing back to Remus.

"James is my sworn enemy, you know that. You shouldn't be dating him, for that reason, first off. And second off, why would anyone want to date that arrogant, conceited toerag?"

Finally, the marauders had come back to earth, looking glum. Remus nodded at Alice, who closed her eyes for a second, and then straightened, and walked closer to Lily.

"Who says you can control who I date?" Alice asked angrily, startling Lily; Alice wasn't the angry type, that was mostly Lily.

"Oh yeah!" some Ravenclaw shouted. "Cat fight!"

James sent a hex over to the boy, but never the less, the hall started cheering on the girls.

"Mr. Potter! Detention!" was McGonagall's angry cry.

However, Lily retorted back, not too troubled. "I never said that, but aren't you forgetting someone?"

"Who?" Alice spit venomously.

"You know," Lily said. People leaned in, straining to hear, as Lily said the next part.

"Hot Dog," Lily whispered, so only Alice could hear.

A look of remorse and sadness passed over Alice's face, but it was gone quickly.

"Maybe I outgrew him," Alice said slowly.

"You slut," Lily said quietly, but furiously. "How dare you? To, to, well, you know who!"

Alice bit her lip, but all the same said, "I should say the same to you! You tried to break me up with the guy I love!"

The audience hissed. They had grown to adore James and Alice as a couple.

"Yeah. Love. Right," Lily drawled sarcastically. "Love. My. Arse."

People gasped. They didn't like hearing that about James and Alice.

"And, you know what?" Lily asked. "Take your scrunchie back. I don't want to talk to you _ever _again. I just can't believe what you gave up."

Lily turned her back to Alice, and tossed a red hair band onto the floor behind her.

"She's a bitch," a sixth year girl, said to Alice, coming up to comfort her.

"No," Alice said softly. "She's right."

Alice sighed, and turned back to sit with the marauders.

Lily approached her seat again, to many hisses.

"Brilliant, Lily!" Marlene exclaimed.

"Wouldn't want to be the bloke Alice ignored," Frank chuckled.

Lily smiled sadly. Then, her face lifted.

"What?" Marlene asked.

"I know just how to get my man, and Frank's girl," she added in an undertone.

"How?"

"Frank?" she asked in a voice loud enough for the whole hall to hear. "Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

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Days passed, leading to weeks, and before anyone knew it, and whole month had passed. It had passed in a very forlorn, tense fashion. Lily was disliked by almost everyone, for her 'sabotage on the golden couple', or whatever it was that people were saying. She was 'dating' Frank, and the two had stayed friends with Marlene, all three doing their best to ignore Alice.

Alice, on the other hand, had stuck with the marauders. She was completely remorseful for starting the whole thing, but was definitely not giving up. She was also quite hurt that Lily was now dating Frank. Lily wasn't good enough for Frank. Not like she was, anyway! Though, Alice wouldn't publicly admit that. James was just as gloomy, that the so called 'perfect' plan hadn't worked. Peter was confused over the plan, and Remus was disappointed that he hadn't seen this coming. Sirius, however, was thinking.

"Remus, Peter?" he asked.

The two jumped, startled that Sirius was using their given names.

"Yes?" Remus asked.

"Well, I've been considering something lately."

"Hm?"

"Well, when I was getting Alice, I overheard Lily saying something."

"What?" Peter asked eagerly.

"Something about what she thought about someone called 'Bunny'. She seemed to think it was urgent, and she sounded nervous."

"Well, who's 'Bunny'?" Remus asked.

"I don't have a clue. But, suppose she could be talking about a person?"

"I don't know any people named 'Bunny'," Remus aid slowly.

"He-he… that'd be funny. But I know someone named Hot Dog," Peter said.

"Really?" Sirius grinned. "Ha!"

"Yeah…" Peter agreed, taking that as permission to explain it. "See, when Lily and Alice were having that catfight, Lily mentioned Alice being unfaithful to someone named Hot Dog, well… something like that…"

"Wait, that's not possible," Remus said. "I know for a fact that Alice liked- likes, really, Frank Longbottom."

"Could it be a nickname, sort of like 'Wormtail'?" Peter asked, curiously.

"Actually, I think you're right!" Remus started. "And if Hot Dog is a nickname, why couldn't 'Bunny' be a nickname too?"

"Suppose Marlene would know who Bunny is, and what Lily thinks of him?"

"Or her," Remus amended. "And, yes. I do."

So, much like he had done a month previously, Sirius set out to kidnap Marlene.

When he got back, a kicking Marlene in tow, Remus got down to business.

"Okay. Marlene. Do you know who 'Bunny' is?"

Marlene's eyes widened. "Yes. But why should I tell you?

"You want Lily to get together with James, right?" Peter asked.

"Of course, but what does this have to do with anything?"

"Well… there's been a small misunderstanding…"

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"So, Frank, any clue why Marlene wants to meet us in the library?" Lily asked, as she waited with Frank, in- where else?- the library.

Frank shrugged. "Maybe she wanted to study with us."

"Marlene? Study? Yeah right!" came a voice from behind them.

Lily turned around, and immediately scowled.

"Alice," Lily spoke, putting as much venom as she could into that one word.

"Hey, Lily," James, who was standing with Alice, said.

"James," Frank acknowledged, in a friendly tone. Lily was always the serious one…

"Frank," Alice said softly, in an almost hurt tone.

"Sirius!" Sirius shouted, not wanting to be left out.

The four rolled their eyes at the boy who had just turned around the corner.

"What do you want us here for, anyway, Padfoot?" James asked.

"Well, there was a bit of a misunderstanding," Remus said, as he came to stand next to Sirius.

"Bit?" came Peter's voice. "More like a giant misunderstanding!"

"That's perfect for you guys," Lily spat, "but we're going to meet Marlene."

"It has to do with you, too."

Lily stopped, and turned back around, to see Marlene standing with Peter, Remus, and Sirius.

"Fine. We'll stay."

"So, what's this 'misunderstanding' that's so important to you all?" Frank asked.

"Well," Remus started, "why don't we start from the beginning?"

"Alright, Lily, James has liked you from second year, alright?" Sirius said.

"Didn't seem like it this year," Lily scoffed.

"It's true," James admitted quietly.

This seemed to shut Lily up.

"And well, we were coming up with ways to make you fall for him," added Peter.

"But"-

"No interruptions," Remus ordered. "Now, we decided that we'd use Polyjuice Potion to transform Peter into some hot, blond bimbo for James to date, in the hopes you'd get jealous."

Frank was now having trouble containing his snigger.

"Then, we started talking to Alice," Peter continued. "And both sides decided that Alice would date James, to get you jealous."

"See?" Alice blurted out. "I didn't forget Hot Dog!"

"Hot Dog... such a beautiful name…" Sirius dramatically sniffed, and wiped at his eyes.

"Shut up, Padfoot."

"Aye-aye, sir!"

"Anyway," Remus said, rolling his eyes at Sirius' antics. "So, we put on that big act. And then you two had that big fight."

"And, you see," Marlene began, "I had convinced Lily to stay firm, and not to just shrug her shoulders and let you two keep on dating. So, really, neither of you really meant it."

"Until you insulted, er, Hot Dog," Lily amended.

"Right," Remus agreed. "But, that was part of the misunderstanding. And, the thing is… well…"

"Lily had liked James the whole time, so she asked out Frank, to get James jealous."

"WHAT?" James exclaimed, causing Madam Pince to glare at him, and everyone to jump.

"Lily," he said, walking over to her. "You liked me the whole time?"

Lily nodded nervously.

"You should have told me!"

"I thought you didn't like me anymore! You've been awfully quiet this year!"

"Fat chance of that…" Sirius muttered.

"What Sirius said. That's pretty impossible."

Lily slowly broke out into a grin. "To think I could have been that idiotic…"

"Well, do you have anything to say, Lily?" Alice asked, mouthing the words 'sorry Alice'.

"Yes. I do. James Potter, would you like to go to Hogsmeade sometime with me?"

"Never thought I'd hear that," Peter snickered.

"Love too," James grinned.

"Hey! What about me?" Alice said, pouting, well, trying to pout, but it wasn't working too well; Alice was giggling too hard.

"Fine. Sorry Alice."

"And I'm sorry too."

"No problem-o."

The girls hugged, and as they broke apart, Alice turned to Marlene. "So, you made friends with Marilyn Monroe, the slut?"

"Yep," Lily answered.

"Hey, I'm more like the female version of Sirius Black!" Marlene protested.

"Alright then, the mega- I-can't-believe-she-hasn't-died-like-twenty-times-by-now-from-STDs slut," Alice smiled.

"HEY!" yelled Sirius.

"Don't worry," Alice said. "I think I'll quite like having a slut like that for a friend. It'll be quite easy to get advice on guys then…"

"Oh, that's what you want?" Marlene asked. "Okay. OI! FRANK!"

"What?"

"Wanna go to Hogsmeade with Alice?"

Frank glanced inquiringly at Alice, who nodded, blushing.

"Okay," Frank agreed. Alice purely beamed.

"See, wasn't that easy?" Marlene asked, to no audience it seemed.

"Isn't this nice?" Frank asked. "I've got all my girls right here. Flower," he gestured to Lily.

"Make sure you remember she's also mine!" James called out, nuzzling Lily from behind. Lily just laughed, and shoved James' face away, but stayed in his arms.

"Right… Well, anyway, I've got Flower, Mrs. Longbottom," he said, pointing to Alice, who slapped his arm lightly, "and Mega-Slut."

"WHAT? WHY DO I GET THE CRAPPY NICKNAME?"

"And we have Hot Dog," Lily said to Alice, and they both burst out laughing at the sight of Marlene chasing Frank around, hitting his head with the History of Magic textbook.

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A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of the Evans family residence, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would astonishing things to happen. Petunia placed the letter on her father's desk. She looked at their family picture for a bit, then straightened up, sighing, knowing her sister was special, knowing she would causing Vernon to scream when she tells him about her sister, knowing that her life would never be the same…. She knew that she very much loved her sister, as she read the postscript she had skipped over in eagerness.

_P.S. It seems that my friends and I have been banned from the library, so would you mind sending the owl back with my copy of __Hogwarts, A History_

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AN: Well that was what I was working on during Spring Break. Hope you had a happy Easter (and a happy week in which I was NOT scarring your minds permanently). Yes, the first and last parts (with Petunia) were based off of the first chapter in The Sorcerer's Stone. Review!


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